At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
