the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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