At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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