everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Send help, water and tortillas.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
