her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
