walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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