smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
