His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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