the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
