u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize