I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
