New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
