Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
