just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
