EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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