Just took my morning after pill in the library
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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