my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
