Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize