We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He better not be in your backpack
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
