Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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