You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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