"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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