It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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