Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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