I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
