Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This house was built for laser tag.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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