why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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