Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
