In America we eat man semen.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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