I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
