SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
