i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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