singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize