Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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