you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
