I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
