why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
