You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
