After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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