Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
