ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ugly people sure do ruin things
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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