They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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