Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
