My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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