she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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