It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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