VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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