I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
