Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
