have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
