I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
