Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
