in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
