How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
