My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
