I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
