At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You did what with his pubic hair?
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