Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
