I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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