I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize