He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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