Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
