if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He keeps bees of course he's weird
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
