his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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