whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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