i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
