first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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