If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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