your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize