I smell stomach acid.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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