Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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