Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
