he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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