well I can't set my house on fire every night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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