Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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