once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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