nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
