just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize