when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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