We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
