You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
