Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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