every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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