dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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