Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
