I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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