Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
