I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
