I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
