.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
