i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
