If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
