Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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