I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
