i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
