some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize