I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
