So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
