4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
