im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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