I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
